Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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