he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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