i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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