You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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