so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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