First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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