I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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