Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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