you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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