I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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