he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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