I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize