It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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