im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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