pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize