he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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