I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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