GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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