Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize