there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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