im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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