i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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