the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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