I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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