my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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