u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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