oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize