The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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