and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize