I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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