there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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