He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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