look no pants
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
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Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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