i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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