I'm gonna have a badass scar
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
