That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
