So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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