y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize