i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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