If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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