I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize