you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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