In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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