I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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