He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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