Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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