i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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