That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
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You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How naked do you want me to be?
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