i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
