this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize