and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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