For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize