Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
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Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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